An Open Letter To My Fiance

It’s funny. I’ve written you a letter before.

In fact, it was a letter I planned to read in place of my vows. A letter about how I couldn’t wait to meet you. A letter in which I basically prayed that you existed.

I met you a few months later.

I can’t read that letter now. I was stupid. I didn’t want you to see it or remember that it was published, so I moved it into my trash folder. Turns out, WordPress automatically deletes trashed articles.

So now, it’s gone.

And I have to find the words for myself.

We’ve gone through some of the most difficult transitions of our lives together. And, somehow, we’ve only gotten stronger. I’m not sure if that’s how relationships usually work. I’m not sure if that’s why something (God, fate, ?) put us together on December 28th, 2014.

Maybe someone knew we needed each other. I was going through the worst depressive episode of my life. You were abandoned and alone. Three years before we met, I’d slammed the door on getting married and having children. I didn’t want that life. I was afraid.

And then you said hi. And you messed with my hair. All because I happened to be in Dawn’s kitchen (your cousin, my best friend).

We were Facebook friends. We’d had (two?) awkward conversations. I didn’t anticipate falling in love with you. I certainly didn’t anticipate the next two and a half years of my life – or the fact that we’d be getting married.

And yet, we’ve been together ever since that night.

There was no friendship stage. We learned how to be friends and significant others at the same time. Now, we’re learning how to be cohabitants. Then, we’ll learn how to be newlyweds. In half a decade or so, we’ll learn how to be parents.

Every learning experience I have with you is an adventure. It isn’t always a walk in the park. Love is messy and frustrating. It’s screaming and crying. It’s long nights and early mornings. It’s constant support and attention. It’s sharing parts of you that you never intended to share – not with anyone, not ever again.

It’s opening up your life, and your heart, to another person. And you taught me how.

I want to thank you for reaching me when I was unreachable. For being there, even when I’ve checked out. For supporting every whim, every crazy idea I’ve ever had. For going above and beyond to help me reach (and exceed) my goals. For pushing me to be better. For encouraging me to be the best.

You have changed the way I see the world. And you’ve changed the way I live in it.

There are so many things I want to say to you. There are so many lives I want to live with you.

I can’t wait to get started.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me. Lord knows it isn’t always beautiful off-screen.

Cassie

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